Mystery cooking

With my wife, and sometimes me having lived various places, our pantry at home has some very puzzling items. There has been a box of Uncle Ben's rice on the top shelf for ages, I would have cooked it a long time ago, but the box is all written in Russian. At least I think that's what it is, lots of backward looking letters and accents. So today I just thought I should cook it, and I've started. Since American Uncle Ben's needs twenty minutes, then here we go. There is a little picture of an alarm clock with a 20 on the face, is that a clue? I wonder how old that box is anyway?

Last time the wife was in a place that would have Russian labeled food was quite a while ago. If it was Kazakhstan a while ago, if it was Azerbaijan, then a long time ago. Well, we'll see what happens. Maybe if I fry it with some egg it will be OK.

Meanwhile in America, Isn't it great how nobody ever does anything wrong? My late night TV buddy Billy Mays died and the autopsy found cocaine in his system. Did he really die? I see him on the tube just as much as usual. Anyway, the family is now saying that they noticed no sign of drug use and question the toxicology report and rebuke the coroner for releasing this information. Yes, they've got a lawyer and I guess a spokesperson, who says that "He was the model of a responsible citizen".

When I die can I have a spokesperson? What about a lawyer? Maybe not, I can't attract enough cash to bring in these sharks. Just let the guy go and shut up. I kind of enjoyed him doing his stick, let that be his memory, not the feeding frenzy of media and spokespeople. Next time I go to the county fair and see one of those pitch guys, I will stop and take a listen.